Archive for the ‘Food Cufflinks’ Category

Everything You Need to Know You Learned in Kindergarten

All You Ever Needed to Know You Learned in Kindergarten

Take Naps:

Oh yes, the dreaded/wonderful naptime. When you were five it was a horrid experience, now what you wouldn’t give for those blessed 20 minutes…And actually 20 minutes is all you need. Psychological studies show that the human brain only needs about 20 minutes of naptime (and no more!!) to stay energized throughout the day. Why 20 minutes? Because your brain doesn’t have a chance to fall into REM sleep, yet can get the needed, rejuvanating rest it needs until it’s officially bedtime.

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Say Please and Thank You:

Manners go a long way in this world and it’s not up to the South to keep these formalities alive. Getting change from the cashier? Say thank you. Preface every request via speech or email with “please.” Formally end your letters, unless it’s a long series of correspondence.

Eat Little Means (Snack time):

Not only will this keep you satisfied all day, but ti’ll also help maintain your weight. When you don’t snack throughout the day, you tend to eat more (overeat) during your regular meals, causing weight gain and water retention. Also, snacking helps even out your blood sugar and helps battle fatigue, restlessness, and irritability.

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Practice Your Penmanship:

Both your wife and boss can’t stand to read your illegible writing, so it’s time to go back to the drawing…err writing board. Unless you’re a doctor and are scribbling prescriptions all day or have a Master’s in Chicken Scratch, most people should be able to read your writing effortlessly. Get back to the tracing board.

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Clean-Up:

You learn that everything has a place…or at least should have a place. Everything can and should fit into your little cubby space, which is translated into grown-up terms like house, apartment, car, work space, etc. Try to get organized by creatively using shelves, folders, compartmental shelving units, minitature cubby holes at your desk/in your bathroom/kitchen and most importantly, your bedroom. Keep loose change in a jar, pens wrapped in rubber bands, and occasionally sing the Barney “clean-up song” weekly for a refined, mature sense of clean.

Build Blocks:

You learn how to build things and knock them down when necessary. Build your blocks of life, but don’t believe that will last forever–there’s always a time for them to come down. Just like there’s no concrete cement into between your legos (and the Washington Monument), there’s rarely cement to hold parts of your life together. It’s okay if it all falls down.

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Deciphering the Language of Men

Just like the elusive language of women, men are not excluded from this phenomenon. However it is markedly different by way of meaning. What Men Really Mean When They Say…

I’m hungry.

What it means?

I’m hungry. Make me food.

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Hi. I saw you sitting here. What are you drinking?

What it means?

I’m going to buy you one drink, then I’m going to negotiate my chances of seeing you later in hopefully a more comfortable place. Preferably with food.

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I think I’m gonna go watch the game with the boys this weekend.

What it means?

I want to watch the game.

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Feminism killed chivalry.

What it means?

I’m too lazy to put in work to please a woman.

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I love your new hair cut honey! And that grey eye shadow goes great with your dress.

What it means?

I’m gay. I’m coming out soon. Sorry, you’ll be the first to know.

 

I don’t get the difference between the Chanel bag and a regular bag? It’s almost fascist to buy one.

What it means?

I just don’t get it. Who makes this Chanel thing? I’m just using fascism to hide my cheapness and the fact that there’s no way in hell I’ll ever spend that much for a sack.

 

The only girls that will be there are other wives and girlfriends. I promise! Don’t worry.

What it means?

I’m hoping to get lucky with one of the wives. But if not, the girlfriends will still be there…

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Trust me…

What it means?

Don’t trust me.

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Honestly…

What it means?

I’m forming a lie in my head as we speak…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Deciphering the Language of Women

Ever get confused when some women speak? Ever get the feeling that she’s not really telling the truth? Not really saying what she means? That there’s something more to her short words? Well, when it comes to these “phrases” your intuition could be right. Turns out, sometimes women don’t really mean what they say, or not directly anyways. What she really means when she says…

I really wish I had/I really want/etc.

What it means?

Buy it for me.

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No, I don’t find him attractive. He just reminds me of Dane Cook, that’s all…

What it means?

She does. She does find him attractive, brother man, get a clue.

She’s been your friend for how long?
What it means?

If I EVER catch a glimpse of this girl again, especially around our neighborhood, or hear her name, or so as much see her number across a mobile screen, you’re in trouble. And I mean…both of you.

It’s all about sex, baby. Or so says these little piggies…

But how many people I’ve “been” with is my personal business. Don’t you agree?

What it means?

She quite possibly has been with your brother, best friend, and too many one night stands to count. Or she’s just a feminist. Either way, be leery.

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Oh, but see, I don’t give out my phone number. What’s your email?

What it means?

She’s not that into you. Period. Get her email, forget about her, and move on.

I really shouldn’t have this beer. It’s loaded with carbs. What do you think honey?

What it means?

If you say “you’re right,” you’ll be agreeing that yes, she doesn’t need the carbs and is therefore fat, should go on a diet, possible turn bulimic,  that you don’t love her, that her dress makes her underarm fat look funny, and because beer isn’t on the happy hour list you’d just prefer her to get a mixed drink anyway because it’s cheaper. Proceed with caution. * A bonus response, “Get whatever you like, dear. You deserve it.” End scene.

It’s okay.

What it means?

Depending on the context this either means run for your life, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight, you’re getting it later, or…that it’s just really okay.

I’m hungry.

What it means?

Get up, make me some food, and preferably, do it now because…I’m tired of always waiting around on YOU and cooking your dinners every time your stomach growls.

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I have a headache.

What it means?

You stress me out. Either give me a back rub or leave.

I love those jeans on you babe.

What it means?

He really looks kind of homosexual in those pants but whatever. He can be my “gay friend” for today.

Where’d you get your hair cut this time?

What it means?

What barber screwed up your hair this time and why can’t you ever just TRY to look nice when we go out in public??

 

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Your Drink Says About You

 

What Your Drink Says About You

Bud Light: Follower. Lacks definitive taste. Trouble making decisions . Only acceptable at Frat parties, beer pong, and…that, quite frankly, is it.

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High Life: Settled. Comfortable. A medium between the Bud Light Guy and the Craft Beer. It’s acceptable.

PBR: Low maintenance and will go for anything. Looking for something quick, easy deal, and cheap–maybe even in your women as well. Not cool.

Craft Beer: A man who knows what he wants/someone who is not cheap. Likes to try new things. Adventurous. Beer comes in many variations, styles, and brands. So when a man orders a local/craft beer at a bar, any bar, it shows good taste. There’s almost nothing worse than a man who drinks Natural Light or PBR at a nightclub or restaurant.

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Whiskey, up/on rocks: A man’s man. Rugged. Tough. A confident, no fuss, laid back kind of guy. It’s alright if it’s mixed with a little coke too, but it’s always better if you can handle the scotch/bourbon/whiskey straight up, with no fluff. Sip slowly. Can be followed/mixed with a light or craft beer.

Vodka with mixer: A lady’s man. You’re in the clear. Stay away from too many garnishes (cherries, oranges, limes, etc) and fancy straws. Other than that, you’re good.

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Gin with mixer: An “old world’ kind of guy. Older gentleman. Stuck in the 1930s. Debatable. We’re still trying to figure out who this Gin guy is…

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Martini (vodka): You’re questionable. If it’s a Gin martini, it can be appropriate on a date. A martini, for a gentlemen, is never acceptable at a dive bar or a local restaurant spot. It is okay if you’re at a lounge, an upscale restaurant/bar and are possibly wearing a tie. Seeing a guy in jeans, at a dive bar, drinking a martini with extra olives is just…wrong.

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Wine: Either a Snob or Worldly. Wine is suitable for men on a date under limited circumstances. The first one is you must or should be eating a meal with this wine. White for a fish (white meat, pasta, etc) dish, red for a steak (red meat) dish. It signifies that you are a classy, well-rounded, worldly man who knows how to enjoy his food and get the best out of his meal. It is not, however, recommended that you drink wine alone or order it while sitting at a bar stool, unless you are at a wine tasting. Also, when the cork is presented to you and you are to sample the first sip, do not go overboard on the swishing, gurgling, and aromatic gesturing–it’s just obnoxious, not to mention a major turn off.

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Soda/Coke/Ginger ale alone: You’re a recovered alcoholic, drug addict, reformed party-er. If not, what are you doing at a bar? And more importantly, why don’t you drink? If it’s because of religion, maybe you shouldn’t be a bar in the first place…

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Seven Ways to Lose 5 Pounds or More in a Month

 

 

Seven Ways to Lose 5 Pounds or More in a Month

1. Drink More Water

You know the old recommendations say that you should drink a minimum of eight glasses of water a day and that’s not going to change any time soon. Not only should you be drinking at least eight, but in order to shed some pounds, bump it up to 10-12 glasses. Remember a glass is 8 ounces, the average water bottle you buy for $1 is slightly more than one glass, so refill it about 8 more times throughout the day. Drinking more water ensures you don’t load yourself down with wasted calories in soda and that you properly cleanse your body of toxins. If you don’t have the time, energy, or money to splurge on those total body detox cures or cleanses, Adam’s Ale will do the trick just fine.

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2. Boiled eggs and Grapefruit

For some reason this combination in the morning gets the metabolism going and pumped to burn calories. It sates the morning hunger, while giving you the appropriate vitamin C and protein you’ll need to get the day started. Eat this every morning for a week, alternating the next week with a piece of toast and black coffee.

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3. Exercise for 20 minutes a day for two weeks

Yes, you can’t lose weigh without getting the body moving. The good news is Netflix recently added a “Fitness” Section to the movies and you can rotate your workouts every other day. Also game consoles like the Wii and X-Box have those ultra cool dance games that are sure to shed extra pounds and be a source of enjoyment. You don’t have to spend $20 or $80 every month at the gym if you simply invest the $40 into a dance workout game or get Netflix and actually USE the Fitness sections. Also, look into your 1000+ channels on your regular cable that you already pay for—many contain hidden fitness on demand shows for free, that are already included in your monthly billing cycles.

4. High fiber foods

….and it doesn’t have to be just those over priced packaged foods that say “FiberOne” and the rest. Celery, a handful of dry almonds, dried fruit, barley, wheat, oatmeal, multi-grain bread, and many other food will do the trick. Visit this website to get a more comprehensive list of high fiber foods: http://commonsensehealth.com/Diet-and-Nutrition/List_of_High_Fiber_Foods.shtml

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5. Cut out red meat and focus on fish (canned tuna, grilled filets, salmon, etc)

Cutting out or limiting your red meat intake can be a significant change in your weigh loss if you normally indulge in a nightly steak or hamburger. Try eating lean cut meats, like turkey, and add a lot more fish to your diet. Lean fish is also important because some fish is naturally fatty and oily, so stick with salmon and tuna. Of course Soy Beans and products are an excellent protein substitute for meat, but don’t overdo it—new research hints that too much soy in your diet can cause reproductive issues in women. Most restaurants now offer alternatives to even chicken and duck, like soy chicken nuggets with bbq sauce and mock duck thai noddles. Yum.

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6. Leafy Greens with a teaspoon of balsamic vingarette:

Yes, add more greens! Any kind will do just fine! The trick is, if you like cooked greens like kale, cabbage, collared greens, don’t over cook them to retain some of the nutrients. Also, use the water you boil them in as a topping of some sort, because most of the cooked nutrients come out in the water. Use it to make a soup later on for dinner by just adding veggies and some chicken. Go light on the salt and sodium too.

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7. Buy a scale and weigh yourself everyday.

We’ve heard from others that simply keeping a scale in your bedroom or bathroom can work wonders. It’s to make you cognizant of your weight and how it fluctuates during the day. We’ve heard about people who’ve lost up to ten pounds just by weighing themselves everyday! Before and a few hours after you eat ice cream or decide to order fast food, weigh yourself to see the changes…It’ll also pump you up to know when you do shed the first, second, and seventh pound.

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