Posts Tagged ‘social media cufflinks’

Deciphering the Language of Women

Ever get confused when some women speak? Ever get the feeling that she’s not really telling the truth? Not really saying what she means? That there’s something more to her short words? Well, when it comes to these “phrases” your intuition could be right. Turns out, sometimes women don’t really mean what they say, or not directly anyways. What she really means when she says…

I really wish I had/I really want/etc.

What it means?

Buy it for me.

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No, I don’t find him attractive. He just reminds me of Dane Cook, that’s all…

What it means?

She does. She does find him attractive, brother man, get a clue.

She’s been your friend for how long?
What it means?

If I EVER catch a glimpse of this girl again, especially around our neighborhood, or hear her name, or so as much see her number across a mobile screen, you’re in trouble. And I mean…both of you.

It’s all about sex, baby. Or so says these little piggies…

But how many people I’ve “been” with is my personal business. Don’t you agree?

What it means?

She quite possibly has been with your brother, best friend, and too many one night stands to count. Or she’s just a feminist. Either way, be leery.

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Oh, but see, I don’t give out my phone number. What’s your email?

What it means?

She’s not that into you. Period. Get her email, forget about her, and move on.

I really shouldn’t have this beer. It’s loaded with carbs. What do you think honey?

What it means?

If you say “you’re right,” you’ll be agreeing that yes, she doesn’t need the carbs and is therefore fat, should go on a diet, possible turn bulimic,  that you don’t love her, that her dress makes her underarm fat look funny, and because beer isn’t on the happy hour list you’d just prefer her to get a mixed drink anyway because it’s cheaper. Proceed with caution. * A bonus response, “Get whatever you like, dear. You deserve it.” End scene.

It’s okay.

What it means?

Depending on the context this either means run for your life, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight, you’re getting it later, or…that it’s just really okay.

I’m hungry.

What it means?

Get up, make me some food, and preferably, do it now because…I’m tired of always waiting around on YOU and cooking your dinners every time your stomach growls.

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I have a headache.

What it means?

You stress me out. Either give me a back rub or leave.

I love those jeans on you babe.

What it means?

He really looks kind of homosexual in those pants but whatever. He can be my “gay friend” for today.

Where’d you get your hair cut this time?

What it means?

What barber screwed up your hair this time and why can’t you ever just TRY to look nice when we go out in public??

 

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Seven Most Common Holiday Facebook Statuses

 

 

 

I’m so THANKFUL for…(insert adorable dog, mother, son, grandmother who passed 10 years before, my new ipad2, my husband who finally decided to do the dishes, my children for going to bed early, my neighbors for turning down the music, scotch tape for making wrapping presents easier, the dollar store, and finally, for 5 hour energy for helping you make it through the day)

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I’m so STRESSED (because of my job, lack of wardrobe materials, iphone was stolen/broken/smashed/fell in the toilet, I can’t find the matching underwear set for Sarah’s American Girl doll collection, my credit card froze, traffic on the way home, there are no more turkeys left at5 the grocery store, your gift card finally ran out from last year’s Christmas, and you still haven’t made plane tickets back “home” for the holidays and it’s Dec. 25th)

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Omg we’re having eggnog and roasted chestnuts by the fire (aka we’re drunk, aka we’re having so much fun, aka will probably forget this in the morning, aka you burnt yourself roasting your chestnut but won’t publicly announce that on Facebook, you really don’t like eggnog but drink it anyway because it’s one of those things you’re supposed to do…)

My kids are driving me crazy. Almost done shopping…(your kids drive you crazy every day. it’s just that you only feel like a good parent if you post this three times a year, with the exception of holidays because then you have an excuse to be over stressed and take it out on your kids.)

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Yea ______ !!! (insert football team/football player who just scored two seconds before this was posted) (all the random drunken guy friends you have across the United States that are obsessed with their local team and still drink Natty Lite out of a can. Yes a can.)

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Look at my early Christmas present!! (insert photo of x-box, ring, bracelet, coach handbag, etc.) ( just another way to brag and show what you think you may be worth in case someone ever asks–you can simply say “Hey I’m worth like 10 coach bags, okay??)

Like/Dislike Facebook Cufflinks

Look at this New Photo of Me, Hubby, Dog, Cat, and our refrigerator… (obnoxious Christmas photos where everyone is looking intoxicated-ly happy and cheerful, wearing their favorite cashmere sweaters and matching pants, aka dysfunctional families trying to pretend normalcy)

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But the BEST statuses are those that simply say Merry Christmas (or any affiliated holiday) and Happy New Year! End Status and blog update.

 

Merry Christmas everyone!!  Love, CLM

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The Human Brain on Technology

 

 

Our brains are literally rewired by our excessive daily technological usage. There is no denying this. We have yet to even see its full effects on the human brain because, well, we are still in the “thick” of it. It will be many years from now before we can see it’s repercussions. Kind of like testing a new drug and the FDA only sees it’s negative effects ten years later. But this doesn’t mean technology is bad. Not in the least.

Technological Brain

It’s just a simple truth that Westerns have grown accustomed to the availability of electronics. Our “progressive” population has grown considerably in the name of technology, albeit the majority of medical, scientific, and industrious revolutions come in the wake of a brand new technology.

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Or your brain on technology?

The New York Times reported in 2010: “Scientists say juggling e-mail, phone calls and other incoming information can change how people think and behave. They say our ability to focus is being undermined by bursts of information. These play to a primitive impulse to respond to immediate opportunities and threats. The stimulation provokes excitement — a dopamine squirt — that researchers say can be addictive. In its absence, people feel bored.”

Think about how Angry Birds literally transforms the idle doctors waiting room office…

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“The technology is rewiring our brains,” said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse and one of the world’s leading brain scientists. She and other researchers compare the lure of digital stimulation less to that of drugs and alcohol than to food and sex, which are essential but counterproductive in excess. Technology use can benefit the brain in some ways, researchers say. Imaging studies show the brains of Internet users become more efficient at finding information. And players of some video games develop better visual acuity”

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“More broadly, cellphones and computers have transformed life. They let people escape their cubicles and work anywhere. They shrink distances and handle countless mundane tasks, freeing up time for more exciting pursuits. For better or worse, the consumption of media, as varied as e-mail and TV, has exploded. In 2008, people consumed three times as much information each day as they did in 1960. And they are constantly shifting their attention. Computer users at work change windows or check e-mail or other programs nearly 37 times an hour, new research shows”

Like/Dislike Social Network Cufflinks

The nonstop interactivity is one of the most significant shifts ever in the human environment, said Adam Gazzaley, a neuroscientist at the University of California, San Francisco.

“We are exposing our brains to an environment and asking them to do things we weren’t necessarily evolved to do,” he said. “We know already there are consequences.””–By MATT RICHTEL, for The New York Times, Published: June 6, 2010.

So we’ve had our “Industrial Revolution.” Well ladies and Gents, we are in the midst of the new big era: the Technology Revolution. Where will it take us next?

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