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Deciphering the Language of Women

Ever get confused when some women speak? Ever get the feeling that she’s not really telling the truth? Not really saying what she means? That there’s something more to her short words? Well, when it comes to these “phrases” your intuition could be right. Turns out, sometimes women don’t really mean what they say, or not directly anyways. What she really means when she says…

I really wish I had/I really want/etc.

What it means?

Buy it for me.

Fender Money Clip

No, I don’t find him attractive. He just reminds me of Dane Cook, that’s all…

What it means?

She does. She does find him attractive, brother man, get a clue.

She’s been your friend for how long?
What it means?

If I EVER catch a glimpse of this girl again, especially around our neighborhood, or hear her name, or so as much see her number across a mobile screen, you’re in trouble. And I mean…both of you.

It’s all about sex, baby. Or so says these little piggies…

But how many people I’ve “been” with is my personal business. Don’t you agree?

What it means?

She quite possibly has been with your brother, best friend, and too many one night stands to count. Or she’s just a feminist. Either way, be leery.

Email Sign Cufflinks

Oh, but see, I don’t give out my phone number. What’s your email?

What it means?

She’s not that into you. Period. Get her email, forget about her, and move on.

I really shouldn’t have this beer. It’s loaded with carbs. What do you think honey?

What it means?

If you say “you’re right,” you’ll be agreeing that yes, she doesn’t need the carbs and is therefore fat, should go on a diet, possible turn bulimic,  that you don’t love her, that her dress makes her underarm fat look funny, and because beer isn’t on the happy hour list you’d just prefer her to get a mixed drink anyway because it’s cheaper. Proceed with caution. * A bonus response, “Get whatever you like, dear. You deserve it.” End scene.

It’s okay.

What it means?

Depending on the context this either means run for your life, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight, you’re getting it later, or…that it’s just really okay.

I’m hungry.

What it means?

Get up, make me some food, and preferably, do it now because…I’m tired of always waiting around on YOU and cooking your dinners every time your stomach growls.

Vintage Hamburger Cufflinks

I have a headache.

What it means?

You stress me out. Either give me a back rub or leave.

I love those jeans on you babe.

What it means?

He really looks kind of homosexual in those pants but whatever. He can be my “gay friend” for today.

Where’d you get your hair cut this time?

What it means?

What barber screwed up your hair this time and why can’t you ever just TRY to look nice when we go out in public??

 

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