Posts Tagged ‘angry birds cufflinks’
I’m so THANKFUL for…(insert adorable dog, mother, son, grandmother who passed 10 years before, my new ipad2, my husband who finally decided to do the dishes, my children for going to bed early, my neighbors for turning down the music, scotch tape for making wrapping presents easier, the dollar store, and finally, for 5 hour energy for helping you make it through the day)
I’m so STRESSED (because of my job, lack of wardrobe materials, iphone was stolen/broken/smashed/fell in the toilet, I can’t find the matching underwear set for Sarah’s American Girl doll collection, my credit card froze, traffic on the way home, there are no more turkeys left at5 the grocery store, your gift card finally ran out from last year’s Christmas, and you still haven’t made plane tickets back “home” for the holidays and it’s Dec. 25th)
Omg we’re having eggnog and roasted chestnuts by the fire (aka we’re drunk, aka we’re having so much fun, aka will probably forget this in the morning, aka you burnt yourself roasting your chestnut but won’t publicly announce that on Facebook, you really don’t like eggnog but drink it anyway because it’s one of those things you’re supposed to do…)
My kids are driving me crazy. Almost done shopping…(your kids drive you crazy every day. it’s just that you only feel like a good parent if you post this three times a year, with the exception of holidays because then you have an excuse to be over stressed and take it out on your kids.)
Yea ______ !!! (insert football team/football player who just scored two seconds before this was posted) (all the random drunken guy friends you have across the United States that are obsessed with their local team and still drink Natty Lite out of a can. Yes a can.)
Look at my early Christmas present!! (insert photo of x-box, ring, bracelet, coach handbag, etc.) ( just another way to brag and show what you think you may be worth in case someone ever asks–you can simply say “Hey I’m worth like 10 coach bags, okay??)
Look at this New Photo of Me, Hubby, Dog, Cat, and our refrigerator… (obnoxious Christmas photos where everyone is looking intoxicated-ly happy and cheerful, wearing their favorite cashmere sweaters and matching pants, aka dysfunctional families trying to pretend normalcy)
But the BEST statuses are those that simply say Merry Christmas (or any affiliated holiday) and Happy New Year! End Status and blog update.
Merry Christmas everyone!! Love, CLM
In every long line there is that self-righteous person on their cell phone, talking loudly about who knows what, dreaming they are the only person in the room. The conversations are never important either. It’s not a business call, or a trip to the emergency room, or a sick child…it’s normally about why Suzie’s husband left her, why you’re mad at Suzie, or why Suzie didn’t offer to come shopping you with even though she’s sick and husband-less. By the time you’re two people away from the check-out you realize that you know almost every detail about Suzie’s waking life and are tempted to throw down your merchandise, walk up to Ms. Self-Righteous, hang up her Metro PCS phone, slap her with your holiday shopping bags dangling from your arm, and tell her to just “LEAVE Britne…I mean Suzie alone!!” and run off crying.
3. Slow Clerks
“How you want to pay for that? Credit or debit? Would you like to sign up for our email list? Would you like to give your phone number to win a 1,000 prize? Would you like to complete a survey regarding your shopping experience today? Would you like to donate $5 to the Gifts for Children fund? Would you like this gift wrapped? Do you have our special weekly coupon? Do you know your fly is down and you have mustard in your beard?” All of the above is said in the most aggravating, monotone, “I-hate-working-retail-but-I-need-the-extra-cash-for-my-five-disgruntled-children-at-home” gesture and look (especially when folding your newly purchased products). Then they stare at you with a vague gaze and mumble “Happy Holidays” and apathetically say “Next!” like you are cattle.
4. You Always Get Hungry
You pass the roasted nut booths, Starbucks, the smoothie stand, McDonalds, the Chinese place is giving out free little pieces of chicken, you smell fried chicken coming from somewhere else, you walk by a man with a chocolate cake and wonder where he got it, you smell peppermint everywhere, and every single time you pass Bath and Body works you get hungry because your mind doesn’t know the difference between Apple Spice Lotion and Apple Spice Pie. (What’s with this pseudo edible scents anyways, you wonder…) That’s right. Go spend another $10 on a coffee and muffin to assuage your hunger…you’ll be at it again in another 20 minutes. Shopping always makes you ravished.
5. Never Wear The Right Shoes
Men, women, children. You all do it. Take that long journey downtown, or to the mall, or wherever you go to shop, and you never seem to wear the right shoes. If you take someone with you, they manage to complain about their feet within the first hour. And of course, you resort to the “Why did you wear those shoes when you knew we were shopping all day” response, with a roll of the eye. Then you have to spend more money buying another pair of shoes for ______ (said person), by which time everyone is exhausted and just wants an ice cream, and you wait in line for that for 45 minutes and by the time you know it, you don’t even want to shop anymore and the stores are closing anyways!! Uh. Whew. Simply put, wear the right shoes.
6. Shopping With Your Significant Other
“What should we buy Dad?” “I don’t know.” “How about this hat?” “Its proportions are slightly off, it’s only a small percentage of wool, and honestly, I think it’s two dollars cheaper across the street.” “We’re getting the damn hat.”
7. Pesty Sales People
Conversation goes something like…”Oh! Let me HELP you! Try this and this and this…oh that’s not good? Try this! Oh he’ll love this! Oh it’s for a lady? She’ll LOVE this! Best price around! Want me to wrap it for you?” “I just picked up this scarf…I just wanted to…touch it?”
8. So-Called Sales Prices
Ever see something that is “marked down” from an astronomical price and it’s obvious that it’s “original” price is really the sale price? Really grinds our gears. Just have the prices at what the merchandise is! Yes, yes, we’re all attracted to a “Sale” but please department stores, do a better job at it to salvage our holiday sanity.
These Round Checked 50s Throwback Cufflinks are ALWAYS $25 bucks. No sale, they just are what they are..
*Note Number 2. is missing from this because the Reason Number 4 ate it.
Our brains are literally rewired by our excessive daily technological usage. There is no denying this. We have yet to even see its full effects on the human brain because, well, we are still in the “thick” of it. It will be many years from now before we can see it’s repercussions. Kind of like testing a new drug and the FDA only sees it’s negative effects ten years later. But this doesn’t mean technology is bad. Not in the least.
It’s just a simple truth that Westerns have grown accustomed to the availability of electronics. Our “progressive” population has grown considerably in the name of technology, albeit the majority of medical, scientific, and industrious revolutions come in the wake of a brand new technology.
Or your brain on technology?
The New York Times reported in 2010: “Scientists say juggling e-mail, phone calls and other incoming information can change how people think and behave. They say our ability to focus is being undermined by bursts of information. These play to a primitive impulse to respond to immediate opportunities and threats. The stimulation provokes excitement — a dopamine squirt — that researchers say can be addictive. In its absence, people feel bored.”
Think about how Angry Birds literally transforms the idle doctors waiting room office…
“The technology is rewiring our brains,” said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse and one of the world’s leading brain scientists. She and other researchers compare the lure of digital stimulation less to that of drugs and alcohol than to food and sex, which are essential but counterproductive in excess. Technology use can benefit the brain in some ways, researchers say. Imaging studies show the brains of Internet users become more efficient at finding information. And players of some video games develop better visual acuity”
“More broadly, cellphones and computers have transformed life. They let people escape their cubicles and work anywhere. They shrink distances and handle countless mundane tasks, freeing up time for more exciting pursuits. For better or worse, the consumption of media, as varied as e-mail and TV, has exploded. In 2008, people consumed three times as much information each day as they did in 1960. And they are constantly shifting their attention. Computer users at work change windows or check e-mail or other programs nearly 37 times an hour, new research shows”
The nonstop interactivity is one of the most significant shifts ever in the human environment, said Adam Gazzaley, a neuroscientist at the University of California, San Francisco.
“We are exposing our brains to an environment and asking them to do things we weren’t necessarily evolved to do,” he said. “We know already there are consequences.””–By MATT RICHTEL, for The New York Times, Published: June 6, 2010.
So we’ve had our “Industrial Revolution.” Well ladies and Gents, we are in the midst of the new big era: the Technology Revolution. Where will it take us next?