Archive for August, 2012
In case you didn’t know, Askmen.com has it going on, really. Among their amazing articles fit for all eyes male was this golden nugget of truth stashed away in the archives. Thanks Thomas Bey, the Automotive Expert at Askmen.com for this article. This time, what topic was the culprit? What your car says about you.
Think you’re not judged by your ride? Think again!
Here are just a few “connecting judgments” about you and your motorized transportation system. We’ve slightly edited Askmen.com’s original article to get to the direct point (for humor and truth sake of course) and posting below:
Big Guys in Little Cars
It’s more or less like the “fat guy in a little coat” … Just the act of these larger-than-life men getting in or out makes onlookers pause, while an imaginary drum roll plays during the feat, and they all wait with bated breath. Yet once they’re underway, somewhere inside their inner children are having the times of their lives.
The rides: MINI Cooper, Lotus Elise, Mazda Miata, Honda Fit, smart fortwo, and vintage British roadsters.
What’s the difference between actual porcupines and these guys’ rides? A porcupine’s pricks are on the outside. Thank you very much, we’ll be here all week — tip your waitress. That’s a bad joke, but it gets laughs every time. You know who doesn’t laugh? The Porcupines. They think they’ve earned the right to hurry up, tailgate and cut off traffic just so they can slow down and assert their presence on all the lesser motorists, take that oh-so-important call and generally ignore their driving while they dream of the next round of golf or the next opportunity they’ll have to buy something beige.
The rides: Porsche Cayenne, Hummer H2 or any other luxury SUV; also the smug nimrod who drives a BMW, Mercedes or Porsche convertible with the top down and windows up while wearing a hat.
This is a well-represented category…It’s populated by guys who think velocity equals virility. So, with shirts open and gold chains resting on a nest of chest hair, they flaunt what they think they’ve got and cruise for chicks. And they do get noticed. Women everywhere point and smile at them. If the guys weren’t cranking Boston’s Greatest Hits so loudly, they’d realize the ladies were actually laughing.
The rides: Camaro/Firebird, Corvette, Viper, and European exotics that have never had track time.
Two Guys in a Subaru… Wait, Those Aren’t Guys
We’ll be very generous and allow the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like most of the Subarus we see driven by guys are WRXs. As for the Impreza, Outback and Forester wagons, well… sometimes we think we see guys in them, given the flannel and the mullets and whatnot. But then, closer inspection reveals we couldn’t be more wrong. Whoa, sorry, our mistake. Um, we males tend to do that, what with our proclivities toward failure. Ahem. We’ll just move on to the next category. Please don’t hurt us.
The rides: Any model of Subaru wagon or similar small crossover SUV.
For these revelers of the life simplistic, The Nuge is god and Larry the Cable Guy is a kindred soul (even if he does get a little cerebral on ‘em every now and again). They have actually plead, “Git ‘er done” in front of a judge. Like the Two Guys in a Subaru, the mullet is a timeless form of self-expression, although they’ll disagree with the other group on everything else. They also have little to no regard for wildlife, soap, forethought, orthodontics, peace and quiet, condoms, shirt sleeves, sustained sobriety, or climbing the corporate step stool. Their rides are bigger than the trailers they live in — and more expensive.
The rides: Any oversize, sky-high domestic 4×4 pickup that’s bigger, better-equipped and more expensive than the trailer next to it. Mandatory features are a gun rack, sketchy exhaust and any or all of the following stickers: favorite NASCAR driver number, “Fear This,” confederate flag, Calvin peeing on something.
Mom Jeans on Wheels
Apparently, some couples abruptly conclude that breeding marked the zenith of their lives. Nothing to do now but throw on some mom jeans or pleated khakis, white sneakers, buy a neutral-toned anony-mobile and wait to die, like suburban salmon. If that’s you, we offer our condolences and a little advice: In keeping with your kind, make sure the spiffy new car has a DVD player so you can zombify your kids with yet another video, thus continuing to avoid real communication or discipline. If weekend trips to the outlet mall and a chain restaurant are all the enjoyable pizzazz you need to spice up your life, you may as well drive accordingly. When you set the cruise control a little under the speed limit just to be safe, just stay in the right lane, please; the rest of us are attempting to conduct lives, OK?
The rides: Dodge Caravan, Toyota Camry, Chevy Impala. As long as it’s anything that doesn’t make waves — that would be swell.
Series Two: The Art and Craft of Shaving
Here’s an “Art of Shaving” exclusive from one of our favorite readers, Rafael Quinones. He’d like to share his take on the craft and mystery of shaving…
In a recent interview, self-titled cufflinks connoisseur Raf “The Man” Quinones says the following about his shaving regime:
“I always do the cold water rinse and use the Alum Block.”
“Alum is a mineral that has been used as an antiseptic since the days of ancient Egypt. It’s alcohol-free, but it doesn’t feel that way. It will instantly stop all bleeding from a cut because it naturally closes the pores and eliminates any bacteria, so nothing can get infected. It stings a lot, or a little, depending on how you shaved…but at least it lets you know what areas you were too rough on. Just rinse it off after a couple seconds.”
After the right shave, your skin should feel silky smooth, like these Silk Knot Cufflinks
What else? Did you know: Rose water helps!
“While I’m showering and shaving, I keep a bottle of rose water in the fridge. This gets it nice and cool. Then I spray the cool rose water all over my face, which feels refreshing and soothing—but also the rose water acts like a natural toner for your skin, keeping it moisturized.”
What’s your last step in your shaving routine?
“Lastly, I use an alcohol-free after shave balm to moisturize, and for keeping the facial skin smooth. It also helps prevent ingrown hairs and skin irritation after the shave.
You don’t want to see ED Hardy on your face after shaving…
Oh! Last thing—I’m sure you saw it on the videos, but DO NOT USE TOO MUCH PRESSURE while shaving. The razor is really sharp and you will cut yourself if you press down. The razor is heavy, and at the right angle it does all the work itself—all you need to do is guide it.”
Aquarius-The Water Carrier Coin CuffLinks
Thanks Mr. Quinones for your readership and your shaving tips. If YOU would like to contribute to our blog or have comments/advice to share with our readership, simply write to us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Stay tuned for the POST SHAVE PROCEDURES…
How to Shave with a Safety Razor
We’ve been asking cosmopolitan New York men what they want to read about. While on a creative journey to give our readership the best possible advice, fashion tips, articles, and…pure nuggets of brilliance, we stumbled upon this video by Raoul Pop. It was recommended to us by one of our readers, so we thought we’d share.
It definitely applies to ALL men, everywhere. It’s all about the little things, like shaving your face. Here Raoul gives invaluable advice about how to use aSaftey Razor and how to properly shave your face in the best possible way (in the best possible world. Had to throw a little Candide in there…)
1. Step Number One: Start with a new blade. Blades are made in different ways, with different flexibilities, different cuts/angles of the blade, etc, so find the one brand/type that works best for your face. Finding the right blade may be a bit of trial and error, but once you find it, stick with it. Raoul uses the Gillette Stainless Steel Blade.
Blade Tie Clip
2. Step Number Two: Warm the blade, brush, and your face with warm water. This can be done in many ways, which we’ll get to in tomorrow’s blog, but essentially, the warming process is pretty imperative between it works in two ways: First, it primes the razor for contact and it also primes the hair. You facial hair should be soft when properly damp.
3. Step Number Three: Try to use shaving soap, rather than gel. The gel will dry quicker than the soap. So if you use gel, you have to keep moistening your face to eliminate the dryness.
4. Step Number Four: Try not to go over the same spot too much. This means: do a first pass, then a second pass.
5. Step Number Five: After the first pass, re-apply the lotion/gel. Now it’s time for the second pass.
Don’t press the razor to the face, let the weight of the razor apply the pressure.
Cut with the grain, meaning you should cut the hair in the direction which the hair grows. Very important, because if you go against the grain, this can cause irritation.
For more information and a detailed analysis of products, tricks, and tips, click here.
What kind of brush should you use?
Preferably ones with badger hair
What’s the best shaving soap to use?
Williams Mug Shaving Soap.
TIP: Make sure you warm your shaving mug in warm water as well. I.e. submerged the mug in warm water, just under the rim of the cup, to heat it.
What about an after shave?
Witch’s Hazel! Easy, quick, and cheap.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE SHAVING AND GROOMING TIPS FOR MEN…
Did you know Teleportation is possible?
We’ll brainiacs, it is. The future is now. Researchers and scientists have effectively teleported a photon particle the equivalent distance of Philadelphia and New York, thereby proving the theory of entanglement. One of the labs is located in the Canary Islands, where scientists were hard at work teleporting two entangled photons across many miles. Of course, when one photon is teleported, it is dissolved/diminished entirely in the process.
How Would Einstein feel about this discovery? Do you think he’s a little (just a little!) perturbed at the findings…Don’t worry Albert, we’ll synthesize your theory of relativity with quantum physics soon…
This experiment is super important because until now we only thought of entanglement as some weird science thingy that didn’t quite make sense. Mind you, it still doesn’t make sense, but now we know it’s possible. The problem is, or the dilemma out there, is that photons have no real mass, so don’t go jumping to conclusions about teleporting actual cells (or their subsidiary parts) with mass just yet. (Yes, we know you were thinking the next direct step in quantum physics is teleportation of human beings, but that’s not quite the case… just yet, anyways).
The theory of entanglement, from a writer’s perspective, or rather in a writer’s voice, is simply this: two particles having a direct relationship with each other, so that if you do something do particle A, particle B instantaneously feels the effects and changes. Their entanglement functions because of their polarity differences–so if particle A is charged positively, particle B will be the opposite, and so on. So what happens when you literally copy a particle and send it over to its entangled mate? It becomes that other particle. Just like that. You’re here. And then BOOM. You’re there. (You, as in a photon, that is).
Of course, we’re talking about light particles here, so again, it doesn’t apply to the heavy stuff (aka anything with density). So here’s to keeping our blinging cufflink wrists crossed that the funding keeps coming in to the CERN and other quantum-experimental facilities, so that science can keep making these new discoveries. Who knows what the “now” will bring in the future.
And so…we landed on Mars!
No, this isn’t the beginnings of a Ron Hubbard novel, but actual real life. At approximately 1:31am, last night, or morning rather, Curiosity landed on Mars. And there was no cat to kill it either.
Fox News reports, “Through the chute, a unique robot arm and a rocket-powered hood, the rover slowed until it drifted to a stop on Mars, to cheers and applause from the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory late Sunday.
“Touchdown confirmed,” engineer Allen Chen said. “We’re safe on Mars.“
Minutes after the landing signal reached Earth at 10:32 p.m. PDT, Curiosity beamed back the first black-and-white pictures from inside the crater showing its wheel and its shadow, cast by the afternoon sun.
“We landed in a nice flat spot. Beautiful, really beautiful,” said engineer Adam Steltzner, who led the team that devised the tricky landing routine. The rover then released a slightly higher resolution pair of pictures.”
And from the NASA website, “NASA Lands Car-Size Rover Beside Martian Mountain
The Mars Science Laboratory (MSL) spacecraft that carried Curiosity succeeded in every step of the most complex landing ever attempted on Mars, including the final severing of the bridle cords and flyaway maneuver of the rocket backpack.
“Today, the wheels of Curiosity have begun to blaze the trail for human footprints on Mars. Curiosity, the most sophisticated rover ever built, is now on the surface of the Red Planet, where it will seek to answer age-old questions about whether life ever existed on Mars — or if the planet can sustain life in the future,” said NASA Administrator Charles Bolden. “This is an amazing achievement, made possible by a team of scientists and engineers from around the world and led by the extraordinary men and women of NASA and our Jet Propulsion Laboratory. President Obama has laid out a bold vision for sending humans to Mars in the mid-2030’s, and today’s landing marks a significant step toward achieving this goal.”
Just wait until the dust settles…
Curiosity landed at 10:32 p.m. PDT Aug. 5, (1:32 a.m. EDT Aug. 6) near the foot of a mountain three miles tall and 96 miles in diameter inside Gale Crater. During a nearly two-year prime mission, the rover will investigate whether the region ever offered conditions favorable for microbial life.